Smartphones, Dumb Ideas – Why My Kids Aren't Getting a Device Anytime Soon

There's something a bit haunting about watching your child stare at a screen that's brighter than their future.

My boys are six and eight, and already the whispers have started — smartwatches, phones, whatever glowing pocket rectangles their friends have. The peer pressure is like a slow tide: inevitable, creeping, and often disguised as "but everyone else has one." I can see it forming in the playground and pooling at the school gate.

The problem is, I understand the appeal too well.

Too well.

Because I'm that guy. The one who instinctively reaches for his phone in queues, mid-conversation, during films, just to stop his thoughts from spiralling.

I'm the one with tabs open like confetti and a dopamine system that's basically run on updates, alerts, and the vague promise of novelty.

I live with ADHD like a Parasitic worm lives in a colon, constantly feeding and draining without ever being seen.

And it's not romantic — it's exhausting.

So no, my kids won't be getting smartphones anytime soon. And I don't say that from a place of smugness. I say it as someone who's painfully aware of how those glowing screens alter the wiring.

Because if it does this to my 36-year-old frontal lobe, what the hell is it doing to theirs?

The Adolescent Brain: Not Built for This

In a session I once delivered on social media and adolescence, I broke it down like this: puberty doesn't just mess with your body, it scrambles your mind.

The brain is rebuilding itself in adolescence, brick by brick — attention, impulse control, metacognition, emotional regulation.

All of it is under construction.

Now add in the digital Wild West of social media: dopamine-triggering notifications, imaginary audiences, personal fables, curated self-worth, and an endless scroll of "better" lives than yours.

That's not growth. That's gasoline on a rewiring brain.

The tech industry knows it. App developers hire behaviour scientists. Platform algorithms exploit cognitive shortcuts. "Likes" and "shares" aren't just feedback. They're chemical levers.

And our kids? They're the test subjects. They just don't know it.

The Argument They'll Throw At You

But social media has benefits! It helps us connect! It builds community! It's how I learn and create and relax!

Sure. It can do all those things. I work in education. I've seen FOAMed (Free Open Access Medical Education) revolutionise how people learn and grow professionally. I've benefited from it.

But you know what else I've seen?

• Sleep cycles shattered by midnight scrolling.

• Self-worth dictated by TikTok likes.

• Kids with anxiety because someone unfollowed them.

• Sextortion, grooming, cyberbullying.

• Parents whose children spiral into dangerous rabbit holes they didn't even know existed.

You don't let a seven-year-old drive a car, even if they promise to be careful. So why give them the digital equivalent of a Porsche and act surprised when they crash?

The Fraser Guidelines… for Phones?

As doctors, we know about Gillick competence and Fraser guidelines — the ethical test of whether a young person can consent to treatment.

The same principles should apply to their digital footprint.

• Does the child understand what they're engaging with?

• Do they understand the risks and the consequences?

• Do they know what could happen if they don’t?

Because if we're honest, a lot of adults don't.

Consent is always a touchy subject when it comes to the more benign elements of society as it’s seen as nanny state to regulate things that are considered “harmless” over all.

To this I remind people that Cocaine was only removed from Coca-cola in the 20th Century. Kids could drink it for nearly 20 years over that time.

And even then, there was heroin in the cough drops to fall back on.

What’s harmless now might be seen as dangerous in the future - yes - but we know it’s dangerous now.

Research increasingly shows that excessive screen time in early childhood is associated with developmental delays, while structural brain changes have been observed in young children with high screen time.

The evidence supports what many parents intuitively feel: childhood brains need time to develop without digital interference.

That’d be like giving your kid new Coca-cola and adding the cocaine back in because their friends have it.

My Rules (and You Can Borrow Them cause the don’t work)

So here's the deal in my house, and maybe it'll resonate:

• No smartphones until teenage years. Maybe longer.

• Any screen use is monitored. Period.

• Face-to-face communication is the baseline, not the backup plan.

• Boredom is not an emergency. It's a necessity.

• If a device comes in, it comes in as a tool, not a pacifier.

I don't care if "everyone else" has one. I'm not raising everyone else. I'm raising two boys who deserve a chance to grow without their dopamine circuits being highjacked by Silicon Valley.

The Hard Part

The hard part isn't just saying no. It's sticking to it.

It's watching their friends pull out gadgets at birthday parties while you hand them a book or a football.

It's dealing with the FOMO they'll inevitably feel, and the guilt you'll feel for making them feel it.

It's resisting the very urge you battle yourself: to silence discomfort with distraction. To solve boredom with tech. To replace connection with content.

But I'd rather be the weird dad who delays the device than the passive one who regrets not trying.

Final Thoughts

We talk a lot about safeguarding — online safety, digital literacy, etc. But here's the truth: the most powerful safety mechanism your kid has is you.

It's your example. It's your boundaries. It's your willingness to be the bad guy in a world where everything is "yes" by default.

It’s telling my kids to tell me off if I’m doing it to - it’s to make being out of the moment not ok.

I'm not anti-tech - god no, I fucking love it. But to sound like I’m about to tell you not to vaccinate your kids - I am pro-childhood.

And like a stuck anti-vaxxer, until I see evidence that childhood and smart tech can truly co-exist without long-term psychological erosion, I'll take the slower road.

If they hate me for it now, they'll understand later. Hopefully before they're staring at a screen wondering why they can't stop scrolling.

Stay Parental

--DW